First Light: Last Light

2012-01-11T18:26:00.000-08:00

i had a great weekend.

2012-01-08T17:29:00.001-08:00

you did, too. keep that in mind, buttercup.

2012.

2012-01-04T11:31:00.001-08:00

i hope i'm swallowed whole.

2012-01-03T20:08:00.000-08:00

i'm ready to be a man.

melatonin.

2012-01-02T19:43:00.000-08:00

thank the maker.

2011-12-31T14:50:00.000-08:00

i don't even know who i am anymore.

welp.

2011-12-28T21:39:00.001-08:00

2011-08-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

i'm taking everything personally. looks like i finally put up a wall. i'm sorry.

pride

2011-08-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

i've got to learn to swallow it.

restored balance.

2011-08-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

2011-08-04T13:44:00.001-07:00

2011-08-04T00:26:00.000-07:00

i am ready. i am ready. i am ready; i am.

hammocks and lemonade

2011-07-31T07:33:00.000-07:00

i don't want to waste any more time.

2011-07-30T15:09:00.000-07:00

this is my life.

2011-07-30T00:08:00.000-07:00

updates:

still hate the state of things. hate my coping mechanisms. hate feeling empty. but culinary school isn't out of reach. i'm officially moutheater's bassist. i'm with my friends. there are both things to love and loathe about my situation.

these dreams

2011-07-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

however sweet and serene, crush my heart when i wake up and see they are just that: dreams. i'm being haunted by the most beautiful of ghosts.

unloved and weeded out.

2011-07-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

don't get me wrong, it's been nice being surrounded by friends. too often, unfortunately, i feel like i'm watching everything happen. this withdrawn state i'm in is too familiar. no degree of intoxication, no amount of sex, and no quantity of time spent with friends could distract me. i've seen things so clearly the past few weeks; what i want, who i want it with, etc. now, everyone is trying to talk me out of that. even her.
i never thought i'd describe myself as sullen, but damn, it probably wouldn't be inappropriate to. my life needs trophy, and meaning. without love, that's impossible. tobacco in my lungs, whiskey on my breath, and steel strings on my fingertips feels better than anyone else's flesh could right now. the only thing i'm making love to anytime soon is my guitar. in everything else, i'm vacant.

2011-07-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

some advice for the ladies: stay away from me. i'm dishing out rejection like it's the house special. there's a new thing on my mind i desire, and the rest is fuck all. it feels so good to send them away.

old man gloom suggests

2011-07-24T09:56:00.001-07:00

that you took the easy way out.

big moves

2011-07-23T06:41:00.000-07:00

i'm on the verge of a new adventure, and i feel so good about it. if only i could share it.

2011-07-19T05:23:00.001-07:00

i don't know if i should be taking advice anymore.

2011-07-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

man, i'm not trying to be discouraged. i know i made a mess of things scholastically this past year, but hearing my father say he has lost faith in me is brutal. thank god my mother is always rooting for me.

2011-07-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

Waking to a whirlwind of emotions. For better or worse, I'm coming home.

2011-07-15T10:58:00.001-07:00

I have to learn to love me.

a farewell note to this city

2011-05-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

Disenchanting the romantic. This is the real, this is the shame. These limbs search feverishly for the gift of gravity. Coarse twine tears clean. And i have thought about this very instance for all time. Decades longer that you or I. Crimson comforting, scorching this flesh, giving its caring for me. And i have thought about these moments for all time. Dangling from a silver lining. These lungs welcome the crimson tides of misfortune. Hell to pay, this is my farewell to this city.

nothing feels good

2011-05-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

i need to be put in a coma. i think i'm beginning to discover what withdrawal is like.

"but i can't keep hurting her," keeps repeating in my head. why is it that doing the right thing feels so very wrong.

i've been made out as the bad guy. but i was before, too, right?

well

2011-04-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

i have no control over myself. no discipline, no direction, no compassion, and no sense of accomplishment. i'm letting many good things in my life waste away, and i am too dead to do anything about it. i'm hurting people that care about me.

my efforts to fix problems only serve as reminders that i live a life where one step forward is met with a fist.

this spiral is never ending.

i had it all.

numb.

man

2011-01-03T10:52:00.000-08:00

oh, man.

grey days.

2010-03-22T15:01:00.001-07:00

so unnecessary.

ketchup.

2010-02-22T21:44:00.000-08:00

the past few weeks haven't been too bad. the past few weekends have been fantastic. i am in love with an amazing woman, and plan on letting our relationship go as far as the cosmos will allow it. i'm excited for the next few weekends as well. spending time with my girlfriend and family, then recording my new band's demo/ep at double o this weekend. next, going to knott's island with my father, grandfather, and uncle to gorge on a varage of roasted flesh and indulge in bourbon all day long, then returning to my girl to watch harry potter conk out. 2010, thanks for being better than 2009.

spoiled.

2010-02-08T22:39:00.000-08:00

i sleep better with you near.

radical

2010-02-02T08:28:00.000-08:00

i wish i was as awesome as this.

2010-01-20T22:07:00.000-08:00

i'm losing sleep, i'm losing friends, got a love/hate love with the city i'm in, i'm counting hours after just one wish, if i'm doing fine there's no point to this.

...

2010-01-17T09:08:00.000-08:00

...so things didn't work out the way i had planned. my pieces were aligned perfectly, but the stars weren't. so now i'm going back to VCU. i gotta make best of the situation and look at the least dreadful, that i can enjoy.

-the capability to skype. why i have slept on this idea is mindblowing.
-valentine's day round II. this time, hopefully my plans (whatever they end up being) stay concrete.
-bringing 'fine' back to 'finer things'. the way it was supposed to be.
-date nights with my girl. always the best part of my week.
-tattoo.
-spring break. no plans yet, but this year i want to travel.
-shafer gyros after spring break.
-summer is the best part of the year. hands down.
-puppy?

adhering to superstition

2010-01-11T10:57:00.000-08:00

i remember just how it used to be ...when the nights were ours and the sunrise made me feel so fucking sick. things were much simpler and those summers last too long but that feeling was as depressing as the day my eyes met yours.we always talk about getting caught up in the moment, getting wrapped up in situations, saying words we can never take back. a four letter word, the most beautiful of things but the one i used on you is the one i wish i truly could mean. i never said a thing i only half meant. i dropped hints at being the worst man for the job. i've smashed clocks, broken mirrors, the man in the reflection, the one i truly hate the most. i want my life back. days spent, months spent, years spent saying, "If I had a time machine... hell yeah."

i remember

2009-12-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

age fifteen, watching bullshit "reality" shows about eighteen to twenty-two year olds...thinking to myself "i can't imagine being that old",\ "i wish i could fast forward to that". here i am at age twenty, wishing to cherish life again like i did at such a novice age. these were supposed to be the best years of my life. 2009, you did me dirty, congratulations. if it weren't for the people in my life, i'd have given my salutations ten months prior to this blog posting.
"i've got my eyes on the queen of hearts, but i'm tired of searching through this house of cards".

i've found my girl, and love her dearly.

what can i say

2009-12-23T11:38:00.000-08:00

i've been lazy as hell for two weeks straight. winter break is treating me well. spending time with my girl, kicking it with my friends, spending too much money on food and christmas gifts, band is knocking songs out, jordan gets back in town in a week and a half. can't ask for much more.

2009-12-16T00:34:00.001-08:00

something, please, just /me.

2009-12-03T15:40:00.000-08:00

2009-12-02T14:41:00.001-08:00

i need you

2009-12-01T07:24:00.000-08:00

to be the strength of widows and soul survivors. i need you to be as fearless as new mothers and new fathers. i need you to be the hope of hearts who lost true love, i need you to be the might of their first kiss. i need a purpose and i need a reason. i need to know that there is trophy and meaning to all that we lose and all we fight for: to all our loves and our wars. keep breathing, keep living, keep searching, keep pushing on. keep bleeding, keep healing, keep fading, keep shining on. this is for the hearts still beating

a lot on my mind

2009-11-18T09:30:00.001-08:00

with nothing to say. the past few weeks have been slightly rocky, but it's all smoothing out. i've been to all my classes this week but one (i'll explain, sarah, i promise). time for some changes, but they all need to be within me. will changing where i am really make a difference? confusion, and doubt: two of the most destructive forces on the planet.
i've been playing guitar frequently for the first time since june. i can't walk past it without sitting down and jamming for ten minutes. my new project is shaping up very well, with three quality dudes. i've spent too much money on equipment, but it's all going to come back to me, i know it.

also, last night i rediscovered this album.

http://www.mediafire.com/?omeyyne5u5m

it's been so long since i've sat down and listened to the whole thing. such an amazing piece of music. this isn't just twelve good songs, it's a good album. it flows so perfectly from one track to the next, without any repetition. i strive to be involved in something as fluent one day. i need to get a hard copy of the record.

wow, press?

2009-10-30T00:05:00.001-07:00

meet marv

2009-10-28T21:25:00.000-07:00

he's a little rough around the edges. 1973 Sunn Concert Slave. i bought it from a geezer in midloathian for a fair price, and he handed me a receipt from when he had repairs done to it this past august. this thing is 100% functional, and ready to melt some faces. my rig is nearing completion. so stoked. halloween in 3 days. man, oh man, the time sure has flown by.

this world is fucked, but i'm still looking up

2009-10-22T07:42:00.000-07:00

this semester simply hasn't gone my way. too many factors are taking a toll on me. the majority of 2009 i've felt like a failure. my motivation/drive, whatever you want to call it has taken a vacation. i've thought that it was something my fault, saying and thinking things like "this wouldn't have happened a year ago", or "i used to just roll with the punches". realization: i'm simply over it. you can't stay on top forever. i have a lot of things to be grateful for, and i need to start recognizing that. a beautiful girlfriend whom i love dearly, a handful of great friends that i would do anything for, (almost) all the material bullshit that my mortal self desires, and good health. next sunday holds the promise of a new band's first practice. that would be a godsend.
this weekend seems to be shaping up quite nicely as well. selling my amp, pygmy lush/ghastly city sleep with sarah, driving west for a picnic in the mountains, and possible where the wild things are.

heading to the blue ridge mountains has become a fall tradition for me without even realizing it. starting three years ago, i've made my exodus to the recluse of western virginia even if only for a few days. the drive, as taxing as it is, is beautiful. the fact that i might be bring home a momento is even better. this drive has been in the works for a while and i'm praying for good weather. today and tomorrow needs to speed on by. go check out my music blog to download two albums that i will be listening to on my trek.

fall break.

2009-10-19T17:57:00.001-07:00

kristin gave me a ride home on thursday. it's always good to kick it and catch up with eachother. the drive back was the ominous to say the least. the darkest skies i've seen in a long while. worked my first weekend up here, and this ups store proved that weekends at their locations suck regardless of area code. sarah got her tattoo, and it looks great. she strangled my fingers as sean karn tore her bicep up, but it turned out better than i had expected. she is happy with it, and that's the most important part. we huddled up all weekend watching animated versions of the hobbit and lord of the rings as her temperature lowered and raised sporadically throughout the break. pho, omelettes, and chili kept her smiling. after pulling my hair out all weekend trying to think of a way to come up with $500, things finally fell together...at midnight on a sunday. so, readers, meet my new friend. a 1970-something ampeg v4.now all i gotta do is name it.

v4

2009-10-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

this weekend, i may very well be picking up a new amplifier. got the blue voodoo on craigslist right now, and i've gotten three offers already. stoked. peep the new jank.
the prospect of new gear always gets me playing again. new band necessary for full potential happiness.

note to self

2009-10-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

have the strength to feel confident in your actions, thoughts, and words. if only you had the tenacity to be the man you once were when you were merely a boy. for the love of god, be the arrogant bastard you once where. release the uninhabitable rage. it's bottling up, and you're caving in. god dammit, let go. god dammit, release. god dammit, relinquish. self mutilation. self realization. self actualization. self extermination.

derek hess

2009-10-07T17:29:00.001-07:00

depressing art for the most part, but i respect the artist. i want to experiment with water colors and pastels in the near future. acrylics are fun, but i got to keep working.

2009-10-07T17:29:00.000-07:00

by the sea

2009-10-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

We were young, numb, and violent all at once. We were always smashing glass but it was never enough to make us feel OK. Are we normal boys? Is this the normal way? We've been dragging dead weight across Midwest towns. Killing our times with our frowns. Alone in the crowd four years down feeling torn and beaten down. Alone in the crowd four years
down, our hearts were beating to this sound. Me and you: we never got much sleep those nights. There was too much turmoil too deep inside. Lost in the dark without our pride...there was a light at the end of that tunnel, but we chose to shield our eyes. Could It be? Are we seeing clearly for the very first time? We've been to the edge and we
know what it's like to want to die...and that's something we won't glorify. We'll leave those miserable times behind. How far can I go? I'm rising from the depths of my own hell. I don't need another tragic tale. I need the strength to walk the other way. I found conviction in
my ever changing mind. I grew up tied down and bleeding on the inside, but I know I was a victim of my own device, and I want to live to see a brand new life.

my war

2009-09-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

"I gotta get in shape. Too much sitting has ruined my body. Too much abuse has gone on for too long. From now on there will be 50 pushups each morning, 50 pullups. There will be no more pills, no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From now on will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight."
i long for the discipline that once pulsed through these veins. i was strong, i was rock, i was positive. now, i'm weak, soft, and negative, like those i despise. with pure discipline, there are only two ways to see decisions; the right, and the wrong way. i need that drive back.

three new things.

2009-09-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

blog: i started a music blog back in april, and never made any submissions. ten minutes ago i decided to pop that cherry. i think it's a good thing for me to practice my writing by doing paragraph long reviews on the page. also, it allows me to be pretentious and show off my record collection, which rules. so, all four of my readers, feel free to pick up some music if you don't already have it.
http://dirtswap.blogspot.com/
job: i got a job at the ups store in carry town. employment is honestly a huge relief. having spending money to fuel my record addiction, bike parts, dates with my lovely girlfriend, and hopefully some tattoos, is going to be nice. hell, i might as well start saving up, right? working less than 20 hours a week, i don't see how this will interfere with my school work anymore than bullshitting around on the internet for four hours a day and sleeping will. my buddy evan novak told me last year that having a job helps you manage your time better. we'll soon see. the one huge downfall is i have to work one weekend a month, which doesn't seem like a big deal to most, but when i only get to see my girlfriend on weekends, this becomes a problem. however, the hours are perfect, the pay is fine, and i'm already a veteran in the field of 'ups sales associate', so i guess it's worth it.
vehicle: man, oh, man, usaa is hooking me up. my truck was totalled on my birthday, and i have been stressed out since. not having a vehicle for the first time since i was sixteen was a pain in the ass. i was especially stressed, because the blue book value on my 96 toyota tacoma lx w/ extended cab was only 'worth' $2000. somehow, i lucked out and will soon be recieving a check for $6000. this means i'm on the market for a new truck...or maybe car? that decision will be made in time, but for now, a moment of silence for my fallen pal.

casey "the mauve avenger" chapman, you will be missed.164,000 total miles, 47,000 of which with me at the steering wheel. in two and a half years, not a single breakdown. you were the epitome of reliable. you were my vessell to uncharted lands: beaches, mountains, high curbed traffic mediums, flooded streets. you hauled my gear to my first show, you picked up the girl of my dreams, transported mr. thames to and from bumfuck north carolina too many times to count, and hauled plenty of shit of the cooper family. you are gone, but not forgotten.

1996-2009

the poacher diaries

2009-09-16T12:17:00.000-07:00

i've spent a lot of my free time the past few days painting. i'm pretty awful, but i seem to really enjoy it. damn the public school system for not emphacizing the importance of art. maybe i would have enjoyed school a lot more. can't not blame myself as well, but what can you do? maybe i'll post some.
"Dear, just one day, just another flight, just one more lonely night, just one more crowd under the burning lights with some blood and mind to be paid. To my friends, to my family: I tried to be the best man I could ever be. Tasted their failure on the entrance way with some blood and mind to be paid. To my greatest of demons, I beat you."
"Up for days cutting losses and trading in the most precious of wings. The nights never end, and these ghosts will never know true rest. They stretch for miles, they take me home. In the name of love and you I say... sometimes when you win the war you lose it all. Towering, they stretch for miles, speaking as eloquently as the tallest of tales. They stretch for miles: They take me home."

in twenty minutes

2009-09-01T20:40:00.000-07:00

i'll be twenty years old: the end of an era. that means i'm no longer a teenager. in the past seven years, i have committed countless immature and illegal acts, and feel not ounce of regret. this involves larceny of all sorts, drug experimentation, drinking and driving, drinking and biking, scraps, evading arrest, speeding, reckless driving, vandalism, breaking and entering, and several others. this i plan to leave behind me (most of them at least). i've had several best friends, and still hold the precious few true ones to my heart. they, i plan to keep in around for a while. people come in and out, as i do in their lives as well. i want everyone that i care about to know that i always have open arms and ears for when they need me, even if i don't seem to have time for them. growing up is hard to do, and i have a feeling this year won't be any different. things to look forward to: birthday presents tomorrow, my bag in the mail, continuing to be in love, hopefully surviving the couple of shit classes this semester, and turning twenty-one.

...a tribute to my teens.

i've been writing

2009-08-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

it's something that i use to do a lot when i was younger. the prospect of being the vocalist for hardcore band has recently rekindled my interest. i've been scribbling in my notebooks in between notes in class. the first one i'm really pleased with is below for your critique. because it's been so long since i've jotted down anything, and alot has been thrown at met this year, there has been a lot of anger flowing from my pen. it may be too much for the sound and attitude this band wants to put out, so this one will have to wait.

"For everyone who has ever been doubted, backstabbed, deceived, doubled crossed, undermined, and given false hope, my heart goes out to yours. And to who all who naysay, manipulate, lie, charade, mislead and betray, I wish to rip yours out. I am a phoenix that has risen from the ashes my own flesh to incinerate yours. This is my promise that I will sink my teeth into both of your faces. Fucking snakes."

fall semester: week II

2009-08-28T21:30:00.000-07:00

quick update: school might be a little rough this semester. i gotta get out of my psych class. the teacher is a christian kook who wrote the book we are to be studying. there is a christian version, and a regular version? the point to that is beyond my comprehension, but if that wasn't enough to ward me off, there's more. the bastard wants to focus on the biology in the brain to explain psychology, and we have additional labs. no thank you sir, i'm already in a science this semester. so hopefully i can drop that and switch into another. the rest of my classes shouldn't be too rough.
so it turns out my girlfriend is a big ol' liar, and has been lying to me all weekend. when she told me she was hanging out with her friend michelle, or going to wawa, she was sneaking around with my best friend... painting my room as a surprise birthday present. thank you baby, i love you.
some more cool news, i might be doing vocals in a hardcore band. i've been writing nonestop the past two days, and crossing my fingers this works out. i've been wanting to do this for a while now. we'll see, right?

if i were in the audience, my head would have exploded.

days, weeks, day dreams

2009-08-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

i spent last week on ocracoake island with the eich family. i tried to surprise sarah by showing up a day early, but more than likely would have ended up lost somewhere on the island without service. it was a pretty relaxing week, minus the mandatory shitstorm i've come to expect from her parents. it's somewhat of a relief to know that i'm becoming part of the family. everyone seems to not mind my company. it's funny how sarah and i spent more time on the beach in four days than we have all summer. come to think of it, we spent more time on the beach during the past winter and spring than we did. a smart move on our part, because sarah is known to get a little moody when her internal thermostat reaches peaks. i don't mind though. the highlight of the pseudo-vacation for me was a tie between the morning and night time naps and preparing pizzas for her family. pizza making has been a more and more common thing as of lately. so much that the pizza stone broke in three today. very odd. there's something about making pizza that really brings joy and relaxes me. especially when i'm thanked with smiles from sarah.

we need more pictures together.

summer has flown by. as a matter of fact, childhood has as well. in seventeen days, i will be twenty years old. during that time i have lived under eight roofs, attended seven schools, and fallen in love once. it's scary to think that i will no longer be a teenager. at least when your nineteen you can use the "i'm still a kid" excuse. pat flynn of have heart once said, "when i look into the mirror i see a boy, not a man." but where does that leave me? what age demographic do i fall under now? such an awkward state.
two friendships have crumbled in front of me the past few weeks. both were ticking clocks: too much effort on one side and too little on another. the moral of the story is when you continually treat the people who love you like shit, prepare to lose them. i'm sure there's a more poetic way to put it, but fuck it. it sucks to have to sit back and wait for the events to unfold. i've always been the type of person who needs to address a problem immediately, or wait far too long to make a move. i'm in a situation where a friendship is teetering in the balance, so relating isn't an issue. unfortunate isn't enough to describe what happens when obstacles fall in the way; whether its a girl, a job, drugs, or disillusion. it's fortunate that sarah and i put in equal efforts. we are simply programmed that way.
another thing to be thankful for the fact that my best friend of five years meets me halfway. it may have taken a while for it to have gotten to this state, but i'm glad it has. sitting here knee deep in conversation, it is time to conclude this obnoxiously long entry. tomorrow; relocation of my possessions from virginia beach to richmond.

make moves

2009-08-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

there are a slew of things i need to get in order. i've been saying this for a while now, but please, something grant me the strength to accomplish what i need to accomplish. gotta get my head straight.

"gotta fight, gotta fly, gotta crow."

#45

2009-07-31T23:08:00.000-07:00

tonight was fun. i got off work around five, bought a new bike seat, and took sarah to panera. today was our nine months. wow, a year is coming up quick. her birthday is coming up really soon, and i still need to get her a present. this is harder than i thought it would be. tomorrow, the eich clan is heading to a tides game. very stoked i'm invited. looking forward to joking on bros, wolf down some italian sausages while sarah enjoys a ball of cotton candy.
over the past month, i have developed a bad habit. an illegal bad habit, at that. tonight i crossed the line, and i am putting it to an end. i'm not a kid anymore, and the repercussions of my actions could be incredibly severe. on a brighter note, i finally finished putting my fixie together. pictures soon. definately stoked to learn how to ride it. school starts in a few weeks, and i am both excited and nervous. but definately not worried. i'll be at stuart court, rooming up with brent again. now for some entertainment.
i watched two videos today that blew my mind in various fashions.

this is art.

this is garbage but hysterical.

at ease, soldier

2009-07-27T22:27:00.000-07:00

a feeling of relief. a feeling i've been longing the past few days. the weight of the world was burdening my mind and my weighing on my heart. i'm so fortunate to have my beautiful, supportive girlfriend. this morning i was not expecting to be smiling at the end of the day.
looking back through old pictures, both of sarah and of myself, ruled. it was both a chance to laugh at eachother's awkard-teenage glory, and to learn a little bit more about what makes us "us".

time won't wait

2009-07-23T23:48:00.000-07:00

i'm caught in the middle of a struggle between what i know is smart, and what i know i want. vcu or tcc? happiness is doubtful either place, but which place could i be less unhappy? could i perform as well at home? can my parents handle the strain i somehow burden their their marriage with? so many what ifs. god knows, as well as anyone reading this, i analyze the living shit out of important decisions. something needs to give.
a long time ago, i decided what i wanted for my chest piece. a hardcore band from california called betrayed wrote a song titled "time won't wait". the lyrics to the song have always meant something to me, but now i am certain this is the right call.
"Time won't wait. It's so hard to see which path to take. Confusion, confusion, what is this all about? The lives we lead are so full of doubt. What it takes is finding focus in your life, not letting indecision cloud your sight because time is short and life wont wait. Time, how does it move so fast? It slips through my hands. I focus on what lays ahead, blink my eyes and then it's past. So I try to give my best and make the most out of each day because I know time won't wait...your stance is hard but you're so afraid. What it takes, is placing faith in yourself because you're cought in indecision, man, and now's the time to find your path. Time just won't wait."i love sarah eich.

damn

2009-07-23T08:25:00.000-07:00

a good portion of summer has already passed. how is time going by so fast? there is so much more i wanted to get done by now that i have to get on. i still have yet to paint my room, find a desk, start a band, or even finish my bike. sarah's 18th birthday is less than two weeks away, and we are both stoked.
today's agenda:
-talk to an advisor and sign up for classes.
-relax before work.
-work, 5-close.
-who knows.

i think

2009-07-17T00:10:00.000-07:00

that sarah eich is the perfect girl. i love her with all my heart. i am definately a fan of watching movies, napping, running, biking, pretty much anything with her: anytime. i wish that life would be easy on her for more than just a few weeks at a time without pointless, randon, and exhausting problems surfacing from the abyss. i can't think of anyone who deserves happiness and relaxation more than her.

i also think the reason why good people are challenged with difficult obstacles in life is because the pieces of shit who always seem to have it easy couldn't handle the hardships that honest, sincere, and admirable individuals face. the scum's luck has run thin.
i am tired of clenching my fists, looking the other way, butting out, and biting my tongue. i have always tried to be calm, collected, and most of all positive. my anger tends to get the best of me over petty circumstances. i always channel my aggression and rage toward pointless instances and feel like a fool afterward. no more. i'm past the point of trying to maintain "good" with everybody i encounter. i have taken sides, and am finally willing to show where my allegiance lies. my friends, my girlfriend, and my family, and for once, myself, over anyone else. over the politics, and the high school like drama that i can't help but surround myself with. keep the fuck away from what i love.
honestly, some people deserve to be hurt. i'll be laughing when it's your turn.

stoked on

2009-07-10T11:27:00.001-07:00

and

bike rides and harry potter release. the next week is going to rule. dressing up like a creepy asshole for the mustache ride, and hagrid for the harry potter premier. already shaved, and feeling good. can't wait to go to the movies with sarah. it will be an evening to remember.

thoughts pt. I

2009-07-06T06:42:00.001-07:00

-moutheater's record release show went well. an intimate sized turn up. swallowed up stole the show.
-i've been apologizing a lot recently.
-stress has dug up my ocd some. i really can't afford that to resurface.
-having jordan back in town rules and sucks at the same time, and it really breaks me to say that.
-i love my girlfriend, very much.
-surprise doctor's appointments suck.
-cereal with fresh fruit chopped in it topped with skim milk is delicious.
-i'm feeling worn this morning already, and i just woke up.

look mom, no hands

2009-06-30T21:04:00.001-07:00

finally, after almost twenty years on this planet, i have finally been blessed with balance and can ride my bike without gripping the handlebars. you don't even know how stoked i am.
in the past week i switched jobs from casa (sketchy management, bobo pizza) to sal's (cool and islamic management, great pizza). sarah and i have made two richmond trips, and they seem to be getting better each time. we've found some awesome records, including the holiest of holies.
plan 9 has managed to become my favorite record store. spending my days on my bike with my girl, whether in richmond, norfolk, ghent, or just around the neighborhood has left me with a feeling nothing short of satisfaction. today was our 8 months. we enjoyed some vermicelli rice dishes and #8 at pho 79, went riding twice, and cuddled up to watch lord of the rings. a near perfect day.

tribute to the villain

2009-06-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

shut up, fischer

2009-06-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

finally, the internet is getting connected at my new house. a lot has happened in the past few weeks, mostly good things. i am now employed at casa pizza, making some decent paper off of tips. my long lost love for videogames has been rekindled, and i have made a few runs back and forth from cool stuff to satisfy my gaming needs. its good to be kept busy in the unavoidable downtime of summer. i finally finished sarah's roadbike, and its looking/riding well. we rode norfolk a few weeks ago to test it out in an urban setting, and it excelled. definatlely a relief. last week, we went up to richmond to enjoy the blistering hot day riding our bikes, windowshopping, shafer, and of course flipping through some records. top scores: interpol 'antics' and (mf) doom 'born like this'. a new shop opened up called deep grove, owned by a cool old dude named jay who knows his indie shit. it was both sarah and i's introduction to the place, which is cool. the ride back was my favorite part of the day.
in other news, my ocd has been laying low, which is a good thing. funny how something that only exists in my head and nowhere else in the world can distort and twist everything in my life so easily. yay, zoloft.
the eich family went to ohio for the weekend, so sarah got to stay over. such a good weekend. went out on friday to party with a few good people at an overcrowded brofest, slept in saturday morning and watched movies all night, and hopped in the pool, ate wawa subs, played resident evil IV, then cuddled up and watched π. good movie, awesome weekend. i love my girlfriend.

in the next few weeks i have some goals:
-finally painting my room.
-finding a bike frame to start fixing up. working on sarah's bike made me excited to make my own.
-get back to the gym. two and a half months without a work out, jesus christ.

set backs

2009-05-23T06:54:00.000-07:00

i'm unemployed, apathetic about my health, and i got kicked out of my band. i've been doing an ample amount of work at both houses in order to help my parents move go easier, but my bedroom is still looking like a storage unit rather than a dwelling. i think things will start to fall into place once i have a place to call my own.

on a brighter note, i managed to get pretty good grades this past semester despite all of my obstacles. summer has given plenty of time to catch up with friends. i nearly forgot how important some people truly are to me: colin, kristin, sarah h, and jordan. speaking of jordan, he's coming back to the beach in a few weeks for a well-deserved two week vacation. expect plenty of immature/stupid-shit to go down. can't wait. spending almost everyday with the girlfriend has been great, regardless of our moods. she's been doing a lot the past two weeks, but is getting a lot done. she got a job that she really needed with some killer pay, and i'm very proud of her. we pretty much finished her bike, which has only gotten me more excited about starting a project of my own soon. i can't wait to see her face on the first ride.

means to an end

2009-05-06T20:45:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since my last post. since then i have :
-written an eight page essay on aristotle's explanation of hatred, and how it relates to white power groups today.
-completed four of my five final exams.
-relocated from my old house to my new one.
-celebrated six months being together with sarah.
-acquired several additions to my ever expanding record collection. pig destroyer, braid, coldplay, mogwai, herbie hancock, jesu, dragnet, etc.

yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

i am considering putting together a weekly record ''club'' of some sort this summer. just a group of individuals meet up at my house one night a week. each person brings a record of their own, any genre, and plays however many songs as we discuss the music, or anything really. if you wanted to come, but didn't have a record to bring, you could just play one of mine. i think it would be a lot of fun. just something to look forward to during the week. speaking of my house...
sleeping in a different house for the first time can be slightly unsettling, especially when the house is your new home. houses speak. the have their own language, their own words. each creak from the floors, the clicking of the pipes, the sound of the air conditioning turning itself on and off through out the night. over time, you get used to the sounds your house makes. after a while, it isn't even noticeable. i think i'm in need a rosetta stone language program for my new house. there is near silence, but at the same time, complexity. there was a thunderstorm last night, and i observed the dialogue of my new abode. it has a strange dialect. i heard the sound of rain not only landing on the roof above, but the lake below as well. it was if the cloud's tears were falling from all directions. walking around in the dark hasn't been scary in a long time. but when you are in the abyss and there is new terrain under your feet, it can be slightly frightening. i'm sure the house will begin to feel like a home soon enough, but until then, i'll be on my toes.

summer starts this friday. i know i am relieved, but it hasn't really sunk in yet. this semester has been the most difficult time of my life. i am ready to spend my time with the people i love: my girlfriend, sarah, who has helped me through my depression and stuck by me. and my friends, whom i have neglected due to being busy. with more time on my hands and being home, reintigrating them back into my life is something i look forward to doing. i plan on having people over almost every day this summer. with a house like mine, there isn't really a reason not to.

while composing this entry, i was enjoying an album by kayo dot.
http://www.mediafire.com/?bxlymzdnn3t
it is titled, blue lambency downard.

final stretch

2009-04-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

two weeks of classes with several assignments and exams left, i am all cleaned out. it's getting more and more difficult to do any more work. i can't let these months of hard work go to waste, though. having fun with my friends and spending time with my baby is all i want to do. nothing else sounds to appealing... except for sleep.

this weekend was near perfect. sarah came up on thursday and spent the day with me. the day included buying records, eating at shaffer, being tardy to my lecture and leaving early, rumors, and short pump. having her by my side when record hunting rules, she has a great eye. we picked up a wu-tang single. friday we went out to dinner with my parents. we always enjoy that. i've realized the past year how awesome my parents really are. i'm hardly embarrassed anymore by my mom's antics. after dinner we snuggled up and watched one of the best/worst movies ever: legend.we had something special planned for saturday, and for once we actually got most of what we wanted to do done. sarah came over to eat lunch with my family and i before we headed to norfolk to visit the zoo. when waiting in line i saw the worst tattoos i have seen in a long time. this redneck douche wearing a sleevless nascar shirt had a red, white, and blue tribal shark. above that was a bald eagle with it's wings spread revealing a confederate flag. on his right shoulder was a tombstone enscribed with "r.i.p papaw". and the icing on the cake was the dale earnhardt portrait he had on his forearm. oof. fucking oof.
after enjoying a few hours in the afternoon heat, sarah and i cooled off with some milkshakes from doumar's on our way to some thrift stores. with two pairs of pants to be made into shorts and a pink schwinn in the bed of my truck, we called the day a success. we met mr. and mrs. eich up for some dinner down at the ocean front. peter was there too. after being blasted with a.c for an hour, sarah and i walked shivering back to the heat of my car. on the way home, we stopped at starbucks for some decaf coffee. my long lost friend raphael hooked us up with free drinks. what a great day.
yesterday started rocky, but ended splendidly. funny how some spontaneity can turn a day completely around. i love my girlfriend so much, and i can't wait to be back in virginia beach to be with her.

there is so much to look forward to this summer. a new house, adventures, catching up with my friends, vicegrip shows, making some paper, tattoos, records, relaxation... you name it.

this is sarah

2009-04-13T11:17:00.001-07:00

the girl i love.

invasion

2009-04-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

my ears have been taken hostage. the past few days have been spent listening to this heaviness:

Omega Massif-"Geisterstadt"
Sludge/Post-Metal
One of my favorite instrumental albums ever. The record is absolutely crushing from beginning to end without getting boring or just one noted drone fests.
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?djc1zdugqwu

Blackwaves- "012"
Post-Metal/ Prog
If you like Omega Massif, Isis, or Pelican you'll enjoy this. It's been on repeat all day. Seriously, good stuff.
http://rapidshare.com/files/57994753/Blackwaves-012-2007-FNT.rar.html

Goblin Cock- "Bagged and Boarded"
Stoner Metal/ Indie
Pinback is among my favorite indie bands. Their vocalist, Rob Crow, taps into his metal alter-ego, Lord Phallus, and dishes out some heavy stoner jams. Best track is "Childproof".
http://rapidshare.com/files/199194705/BaggedAndBoarded_320_ByRobixxx.rar
*password: Robixxx

Black Sabbath- Master of Reality
Heavy Metal/Stoner Metal
Fucking classic.
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?0ghi1tt9ngx

i really hope that my new project works out this summer and i get to experiment around with heavier, slower music. i also hope to get my hands on a new amp at some point as well. maybe a dual-rectifier? how about a jcm? sunn? sovtek mig?
i guess we'll have to wait and see if that job at the marina works out. that might be better than window shopping for an amp i can't afford.

four

2009-04-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

days in bed. two on the couch. one at school. another weekend starts.
i was absent from united blood fest due to illness. from what i've heard from multiple sources, i missed one hell of a show. instead of stagediving and moshing, and i laid in bed with a fever that peaked at 102.6 and ended up in the e.r. last saturday. sarah played my nurse every day, and i definately wouldn't have it any other way. she is such a lifesaver. we had our first "lay on the couch and watch tv" day in ages and to her surprise, it wasn't half bad.
this past weekend was a lot of fun. friday was spent with sarah of course. we hung out at my house, got her a starbucks frappapoopoo, and then swung by coop's for a little bit. we introduced her to wondershowzen, and her reaction was pretty much what i expected:"what is happening?"saturday, colin and i jammed. heavy, doomy, sludgy, and dark: the themes for our new project. we recorded two rough demo tracks, and we are looking for a drummer/possibly another guitarist. hopefully my long lost friend chuck (played drums in edgarsuit) will want to take part in the fun. i've been wanting to do something like this for a while, so we'll see where it goes this summer.
after jamming and hanging out, colin and i split, and i eventually ended up at the eich house for a bonfire with sarah and her friend's. i enjoyed myself, despite the awkwardness of being around people i'm not too familiar with. i'm becoming more open to being around "her people", and i know that she appreciates that.
yesterday was sunday, which means beach day. but this weekend we made it special. i scooped sarah up bright and early and we headed south. we crossed state lines into north carolina, and spread out on the beach in nags head. we both got some sun and i'm nice and pink now. afterwards we got some delicious salad and various poultry, and headed back to the comforts of my bed. after some passion and a fucking great nap, colin joined us for the ride back to drop sarah off so she could take care of some business at the house. colin and i hung out and talked for an hour or so, then i had a family talk with my parents... so much to do. of course, the weekend ended with me back at sarah's house kissing and conversing about anything that sprung to our minds.

oh yeah, my parents got the house. summer is going to rule.

a change of pace

2009-03-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

i'll be here in richmond for the weekend. for the first time since november 14th, i will be sleeping here on a friday. i have a feeling it is going to be very, very weird. i do have a pretty decent distraction. united blood fest III starts, and i am looking forward to seeing several of my favorite bands. converge, have heart, and many more packed into two days of stage dives and high fives. several of my good friends are coming up from virginia beach for this. i'm looking forward to being out of this dorm room for a good two days and kickin it with my buddies. i have a feeling i'm going to spend too much money on records and shirts, but fuck it. it's once a year.
this week has been alright. i've had a decent amount of school work, and have missed sarah terribly. it really sucks that i still have to wait five more days to see her. but hopefully that will make tuesday even more special.this album is 'the coachlight woods' by glowworm. it served as the soundtrack to the first two months of sarah and i's relationship. for one reason or another, i always get nervous when putting this on. it rows up so many different emotions in me; it's either hit or miss. today isn't so bad.
all i know is i'm ready to be with my baby for the summer and kiss richmond goodbye: whether temporary or permanently. time will tell.

annihilate this week(end)

2009-03-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

three things that rule:
taking it easy: laying around watching disney movies all day with my baby without a care in the world is beyond relaxing... it's almost therapeutic. leisurely doing chores and running errands can be fun with the right company. playing card games with my grandparent's after they finally got to embarrass me with baby pictures was tons of fun. my grandma loves it when i make time for them, and bringing sarah along definately excited her. kickin it at coop's after taking a gander at the inside of my (potential) new house was well needed.
food: this weekend was packed with culinary perfection. my parents took sarah and i out to jenna's for some greek food and sandwiches. the next day, i made sarah our best breakfast yet. ruby tuesday's salad bar is fucking on point. so good. the lady enjoyed her chicken fresco as well. nutella/fruit crepes and tea for desert can do no wrong (except knock sarah unconscious afterward). my grandma and grandpa prepared a hearty, all-american lunch; pot roast, mashed potatoes, brussels sprouts and fresh baked bread. fresh pineapple and strawberries for a snack after. can you beat that? throw some el mejor rodeo on top like a cherry, and i say that is an amazing weekend.
sarah: my girlfriend, my bestfriend, my everything. i am so lucky she entered my life and stuck with me through thick and thin. we can go from being serious, overdramatic, and completely mushy to being loud, ridiculous, and down right goofy at the flip of a switch. we have still yet to have a single argument, and i don't see one happening anytime soon. for god's sake, she likes black flag. i've said it once, i've said it a thousand times. sold.

i can't wait for it to get warmer outside. so many adventures ahead. summer is just around the corner. hurry up!

luck

2009-03-18T15:39:00.000-07:00

was on my side today. the douchebag kid that lives next door to me in my suite is getting kicked out for threatening my roomate. he has to move to johnson which sucks for him, but it's nothing he doesn't deserve. "welcome to the brent, bitch". the kid is a moron, but my day would have panned out a lot differently without his help. he payed me $20 for modulator i had sitting in the common room. twenty extra bucks, hmm? time to flip through some records.
i went to vinyl conflict and snagged a few goodies. i spent $15 on seven inches by endeavor, lifetime, and groundwork. i was stoked on that. i wasn't sure whether or not i should go to plan 9, but i couldn't resist. i talked to my baby on the way there, and got a good parking spot. after 30 minutes, i found nothing worth buying. however, on the way out, i decided to flip through the rack at the front of the store which usually is picked clean. i found this:

one of the best by my favorite band. converge is amazing. i can't wait for their next release. the teaser they put up is fucking insane.

tomorrow, my baby will be in my arms and we have all weekend to be with eachother. so happy.

a different perspective

2009-03-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

last week ruled. i spent time with my friends, ate out almost everyday, and got a sampler of summer with sarah. lying on my hammock sipping handsqueezed lemonade shooting the breeze about whatever came to our minds all while soaking up the sun. i can't wait. spring break was great. the show went well, i had fun, and i did everything on my 'to-do list' on the other page, but i realize now i should have added more stuff..."responsible" stuff.
-i need an oil change
-i need to deposit checks
-i need to do some paperwork
but no worries, nothing i can't do this weekend.

oh yeah, about the the title of this blog. the past few months, i have been dreading come back to school on sundays. i kept thinking that coming back to school is a bad thing, for a number of reasons. whether it be having to actually do some work, or being away from sarah. i have been making it way more painful that it needs to be. i realize now that the weeks coming and going are a good thing because its bringing me closer to summer. eight more weeks and i'm home for four months. FOUR MONTHS. that is fucking incredible.

also, my parents have been looking at a new house. i finally got my sneak peek, and it would be such a great thing if they got it. the backyard looks like a forrest that could inspire disney, the pool is a perfect size, and my room would actually be big enough for my bed. fingers are definately crossed. this would make summer even more ridiculous.

overall, i have just been in a better mood. even on a grey day like this one i am having a hard time not finding something to make me smile or something to be happy about. could it be i'm finally getting out of that rut i was in? i'm not going to test my luck and jinx it, but just keep ejoying the good days as they come.

side note- i love cooking for sarah. actually, i love doing anything for her.

positivity

2009-03-11T20:53:00.001-07:00

why are you such a hard concept for people to grasp? myself included at times.

anywho, today was nothing short of great. if you have kept up with my previous posts at all, you would know that sarah and i's favorite restaurant is pho 79. my friend ramon told me that pho 78 (roughly seven minutes down the road from pho 79) was a better place for noodle soup. for weeks, sarah and i have gone back and forth over whether or not we should test that statement. tonight we did. the verdict? false. the one thing that 78 has over 79 is the random chili sauce they have next to the srirachi. that shit was lava (which is a good thing with me). other than that, pho 79 can't be beat: better broth, better atmosphere, better staff, and last but no least the memories.
oh yeah, you might not know what pho is.

pho: A traditional Vietnamese noodle soup dish, consisting of rice noodles in a clear beef broth. Slivers of meat are usually placed on top at the last minute (cooking in the broth) and the soup is accompanied by a large plate of fresh ingredients such as green onions, cilantro, peppers, basil, lime, and bean sprouts. Hoisin or Sriracha sauce are the traditional choices of flavoring.

red tea

2009-03-09T08:18:00.001-07:00

the past three days have been perfect. this is the exact retreat i needed. the spring weather has given me a breath of fresh air. cut off shorts, t-shirts, and sunburn; ahhhhh. it's time to leave these fears and anxieties with winter and go on with my life. i've come to learn that living in the past can be just as destructive as worrying about the future. living for the moment and enjoying 'today'.

agenda for the rest of spring break:
-spend time with my girlfriend and friends.
-write a vicegrip song for the first time since august. show on saturday @ gil's.
-write my focused inquiry paper.
-work out/get back on my regular eating routine.
-go to the new spot.
-get a haircut.
-continue to feel like myself again.

fuck yes

2009-03-05T09:41:00.001-08:00

the sun is shining, it's hoodie weather AND spring break starts tomorrow. 70 degree forecasts, time for my friends, family, and girlfriend. just one paper to work on, no job, no stress. rest and relaxation.

"thank the maker!"

white

2009-03-02T19:35:00.001-08:00

so it snowed an ample amount yesterday. i always forget how much of a spectacle heavy snow storms are. i'm the type of person that needs sunny days during winter in order to get through the day. more than a few days of sunlight deprivation and my mood can be just as unpredictable as the weather. however, if the cloudy skies are falling beneath my feet with snowfall, i'm as happy as i'll ever be.

another great weekend, despite it's briefness. everytime i leave sarah to come back to richmond, it gets harder and harder to say goodbye. this weekend i experienced what sarah has done every weekend the past four months: being left. the distance between us can be so miserable at times, but it's beyond worth. i can't wait to see what this relationship will become as it continues to grow.

sidenote: creamcheese sucks, spring break rules.
four more nights and i'm home for ten.

ahh yes

2009-02-26T21:32:00.000-08:00

today was awesome. here's why:
-great weather
-got some work done
-hanging out with friends most of the day
-picked up the new trap them lp.
-my criminal law exam today was way easier than anticipated.
-i got a B on the intro to policing exam i took on tuesday .
-sitting in shafer for three hours catching up with michelle (friend from middle school), ramon, and bo, telling random stories and eating random food.
-street fighter iv while blasting some mf doom. 'nuff said.

tomorrow/today is friday, which means it is about to be the weekend. which means i get to see my baby. yes...

routine

2009-02-25T16:56:00.001-08:00

mine is getting old. i'm getting so tired of schoolwork. whatever you want to call it; laziness or exhaustion, it's taking it's toll. all i want is to be with my friends and girlfriend with no worries. making some money would be nice, too.

summer, where the fuck are you?

side note: today i was walking across the bridge on laurel that runs above the overpass, staring at the side of a brick house on the other side. i was looking at the detailed shadow of the chain link fence that runs alongside the highway. suddenly, i saw the sillhoutte of a squirrel running across the top. i have never seen a squirrel's shadow before. i doubt many people have.

we ruined disney

2009-02-23T14:42:00.000-08:00

turns out my parents might be moving. i'm having mixed feelings about it, but i'm mostly stoked. don't worry, i'll still be in virginia beach this summer. actually, its only 5 minutes down the way from my house. this could be very exciting, and make summer even better.

sidenote: pan's labrynth is ridiculous. go watch it.

record nerd

2009-02-17T17:05:00.000-08:00

as of today, i own 420 pieces of vinyl (i would be stoked if i smoked pot). looking through my list of records, i'm going to pick out 5 of my gems and give you some literature involving each one. yes, i'm terribly bored. i need a job/more homework. anyway, not all of these are rare or sought after, but they mean a lot to me for different reasons.

between the buried and me-the silent circus lp
"living dreams; loving dreams... awakening to what i've always dreamt of."
when i was 14 my uncle gave me a crate full of old punk records. there were a handful of classics in that bin; black flag "slip it in", dead kennedys "plastic surgery disasters" etc etc. a few years went by before i actually got sucked into record collecting. this was the first record i ever purchased. well, actually i got someone to buy it for me because i didn't have my wallet (still have yet to pay said person back). it was purchased from volume cd's when it was still at hill top. i had never seen colored vinyl before. besides the fact this was one of my favorite bands at the time, seeing a grey/black/white swirl vinyl blew my mind. i had to have it.

modern life is war- self titled 7"
"rock bottom is a beautiful start. we're rising up to show the world our scars from a former life that we'd rather not hide."
when i first heard of modern life is war, i assumed they were just some tuffguy-beatdown down bullshit hardcore band because of their name. i didn't even check them out. a few weeks later i found out that strike anywhere and ignite were playing at the peppermint beach club. i was stoked. i didn't even see a flier for it but went to the show. modern life is war was on the list of bands playing, and i was curious to see what they sounded like. when they hit the stage, i was sold. they were easily one of the most passionate bands i have seen live. some people were going apeshit while most just stood and watched. i wish so bad that i could go back to that night and be one of the few losing their minds. they have become my favorite hardcore band, hands down. after their set, i went to their merch table and bought one of every piece of vinyl they were selling. this band's music means so much to me.

pelican/mono-split lp
i had been collecting records at a very slow pace for about a year. after i met matt baird, i started spending left and right. he realized that record collecting is an expensive hobby before i did, and decided to start selling off his collection. i now own 75% of what he once had. i bought it in two seperate lots. this record being in the first. pelican is one of my favorite bands, but i think this record is special because it takes me back to the summer of 2006. i often refer to that summer as 'the happiest days of my life'. nothing mattered that summer except for two things. 1- being retarded with my friends and doing as much stupid shit as possible. 2-being straight edge. that was the summer i claimed edge. i am no longer straight edge but i am still proud to say that it was a big part of my life, and because the morals i forged then i am a better person now.

hot cross- fair trades and farewells
"turn the pages of history: yellowed, underlined and torn. no chance of tracing exactly how these terms were born"
it was a few weeks before christmas back in 2006, and i decided to get my friends some records too. i went to relative theory in norfolk, and found several goodies. one of them was this record. nothing in particular was special about that day or even this record. however, when the store i bought this from closed i was a little bit more than bummed. relative theory was more than just an awesome record spot. it was a great venue and had a great staff. i spent thousands of dollars in that store on records from the time i discovered them to the time they closed. it was a brief affair to say the least, but i'm glad to say i was able to enjoy it while it lasted. also, this record was the first time my friend andrew showed any interest in records. i got the thumbs up that day on my one 'hobby'.

iron and wine- the shepherd's dog
"...even the last of the brown-eyed babies see that the cartoon king has a tattoo of a bleeding heart. there ain't a penthouse christian that wants the pain or the scab, but they all want the scar"
i picked this up few days before the beginning of this year. sarah and i made a day trip up to richmond from chesapeake so she could spend some christmas cash at urban outfitters. but after sitting in traffic/me driving like an asshole for a few hours, i needed a pit stop to recollect myself. this is when i introduced sarah to vinyl conflict. this place is the definition of a gift and a curse. since relative theory closed and volume started winding down, ebay had been my record store for the past 6 months or so. vinyl conflict is a 10 minute walk from my dorm, and has the cheapest prices i have ever seen. unfortunately, i tend to buy in bulk when i make my bi-weekly trips there. looking through the used 12" section, i stumbled across this and asked sarah if she thought it was any good. she smiled and said casually, "yep, its my favorite by them." i bought it for $6 and we have enjoyed listening to it together on multiple occasions.

my collecting really started at the pace i'm at now when i was in tenth grade. three years and thousands of dollars later, i have a small library in my room. more and more have i had days where i just sit in my room with my friends or my dad and just listened to music. i've come to realize that it is more than just owning records. with each one, i have a story. it's like a crate of memories. i can remember where i bought each piece from, and i could tell you what was going on in my life at the time. don't believe me? try me.

check out my full collection: www.recordnerd.com/lists/dirthelmet

nothing left to the imagination

2009-02-16T13:38:00.000-08:00

i'm going to present this weekend as long and boring as possible. here's a direct play by play.

friday
-i stopped by sarah's house on the way home from school. we laid in her bed and talked about our weeks and plans for the weekend. i listened to gangstarr the ride back to my house.
-after a quick snack, my dad and i listen to the two records i picked up earlier in the week as i decided whether to go to an admiral's game or the abacabb show (one of my old friend's current band).
-i picked the show where i stage dived the set away, kicking and punching numerous n00bz i've never seen. i saw a bunch of familiar faces who use to be so present in my life that i haven't seen in ages; it was good to catch up even for just a few seconds. as soon as their set finished, i shook hands, gave hugs and went on my way.
-on the way home i stopped by fresh market and picked up a dozen peach roses.
-9:30 pm: andrew came to the crib. we sat in my room and listened to music for a couple of hours and just talked about random bullshit. always a pleasure.
-texted sarah goodnight, and fell asleep.
-3:45 am: a phone call awoke me from my slumber. it was jordan. i don't even remember what we said because i was so conked out.

saturday
-woke up feeling really anxious about the day. i thought the gym would help some, but...no.
-i had such a crafty plan for sarah on valentine's day all week. the weather was supposed to be awful but it ended up being a nice day. unfortunately, i needed a day in advanced to throw my plan together. i'll keep that one up my sleeve.
-i got to sarah's house and found her taking care of her little brother. poor kid was throwing up off and on. after opening gifts that we had AGREED not to give, sarah and i went out to pick up the newest rambo and some gatorade to help him out.
-back at the house, we watch the sigur ros dvd and read the little black book. hours slid by as we just got more and more tangled up in each other. she claims she could listen to me ramble all day. i have a feeling that could actually be true.
-we headed back to my house so i could semi-prepare our valentine's day dinner. chicken parmesan seems to always hit the spot. however, desert blew this meal out of the water.
-we made the short trip to this little restaurant by my house with some fancy french name which basically breaks down to 'tea and crepes'. this place was amazing. an hour and a half of comforting tea and conversation.
-puppy tummy in full effect, we popped in 'the great mouse detective' and plopped on my bed. we laughed and acted silly for an hour before almost slipping into coma. every time we get on that bed, it gets harder and harder for me to leave it. i could spend the rest of my life on that bed with her.
-back in chesapeake, we lie together some more as her brother slipped into temporary insanity.
-2:15 am: i am back at home and head to bed.

sunday

- my dad needed help with some stuff at his mom's apartment. its only been a few weeks since she passed, but my dad is doing very well.
-1:30 pm: colin, kristin, and i sit and listen to most of verse's discography. we catch up, joke around, and head to panera. good god, that mediterranean veggie sandwich blew my taste bud’s minds. CILANTRO HUMMUS? are you kidding me. nom nom nom.
-colin and kristin split, i head to sarah's.
-teagan and sarah (yeah...) were watching american history x and the three of us talked casually as i snuck sarah kisses here and there. we brew some tea and continue small talk in the kitchen. teagan leaves, so sarah and i head upstairs to watch the bonus disc of the dvd. her dad is fucking weird.
-i leave her to head back to a place i'm starting to loathe more and more as these near perfect weekends keep getting better and better. i listen to dangerdoom, madvillain, viktor vaughn, and municipal waste on the way "home".
-11:00 pm: goodbye weekend. hello school.

before i forget

2009-02-11T05:47:00.000-08:00

i got hit by an SUV on monday while riding my bike. don't worry, i'm fine.

also: the weather was amazing today. i wish my front wheel wasn't fucked up so i could have gone a bike ride. but walking in the sunlight felt good regardless. i scored big tonight at vinyl conflict. i got two records that i have been wanting for quite some time now.
for a total of $16, i'd say that was a hell of a deal. this week has been pretty good so far despite my insomniac like state and being roadkill.

it's monday

2009-02-09T09:44:00.001-08:00

that means the weekend is over, unfortunately. it started with dinner at my house on friday, the most adventurous saturday yet, and wrapped up with the best sunday ever. i can not believe how much i have taken the beach for granted. sarah and i were laying on the sand sharing our thoughts and dreams and i tell you this; i could have stayed on that beach forever. it is funny how at times it feels like we are the only two people in the world, even on a semi-crowded beach.

richmond is getting old. i want to fast forward to may only to pause for valentines day and spring break.

so many firsts but certainly not lasts.

dear weekend,

2009-02-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

hurry up. tell the sun he should tag along.

a quarter

2009-02-01T21:01:00.000-08:00

of a year has passed since sarah and i decided to engage in a relationship with one another. at times it seems like we have known each other for forever. other times we are reminded that we are in unfamiliar waters and still have a lot to learn. i hit what seemed like rock bottom and her strength helped pull me from those low places. of course i have a handful of great friends that lent their hands as well.

andrew cooper and colin kelley are two of the best friends one could have. i was also reminded how fortunate i am to have parents like mine. i need to make it a point to show them my admiration and appreciation more often.

also: thai food rules.

alright

2009-01-22T07:31:00.000-08:00

last weekend was amazing. sarah is hands down the best girl i have ever met, and i am so grateful to have such a person in my life. we have shared so much over the past three months and have grown so close. i couldn't ask for anything more. i am simply smitten.

monday, a lot of things caught up on me. anxiety, grief, guilt, repressed emotions, fear, over analyzing, "all or nothing" mentalities. i am staying busy to keep from falling victim to my own psyche. i am just glad i have friends who understand me and are supporting me by keeping me preoccupied as my rationality makes it's return.

this past week i have been on quite a ride. i've felt the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, but i feel my head is getting straight and i am starting to see things for how the really are again.

keep it posi. lolz.

solace

2009-01-14T20:33:00.000-08:00

it's amazing what taking a walk can do to lighten your mood. it can be in the darkest and most polar of nights but still alleviate so much stress and negativity. the kind words from loved ones make it that much easier.

such a load off my mind.

recap

2009-01-11T16:44:00.000-08:00

so much has happened over the past month, i would not even know where to begin so i'll be short. winter break was a series of good days sprinkled with bad days. looking back, i don't mind the few frowns among the many smiles. if i had to pick one of the standout moments, it would have been what occurred yesterday.

sarah and i went to pho 79 for what was probably our tenth time dining there. we sat down at our favorite table, and the balding man who we had mocked in visits before came to the table. before i could open my mouth to order, the old man said: "two number 8's, two breads, two waters, small?". our minds were blown. the old man had remembered our order. our status as regulars had become official. the old man smiled as we corrected him, "large, please". a great day followed.

a photo speaks a thousand words.

a new year

2009-01-04T07:47:00.000-08:00

i brought in 2009 by hurting someone that means the world to me and blatantly embarrassing myself. new years day was the most nervous and terrible i've felt in a long time. despite this, the past three days have been quite enjoyable. forgiveness, sharing, trust, growth. i'm finding it harder and harder to word whats going on in my head and in my heart.

sidenote: i am a very calm sleeper (though loud at times). i generally wake up in the same spot i fell asleep in. this morning i woke up lying with my feet pointing to a different wall with my head resting on a new side of the bed. when i was younger i was a very restless sleeper. often waking up on the floor or in different rooms. tossing and turning was what i did best. but ten years later i'm not sure what to make of this. is it possible all the new experiences physical and internal are making me feel like a little boy again?

yule time

2008-12-26T09:22:00.000-08:00

christmas hasn't "felt like christmas" since i was 15. however, this year was the closest i've been to having that holiday feeling in a long time. christmas eve was perfect. sarah and i finally went on our bike ride, which was besides being a little short, was amazing. afterwards we ate sandwiches and got dragged to church by her mom. being in a house of god is always awkward for me, but it was fun laughing to myself about the situation. afterwards sarah and i cuddled up on the couch and watched a muppet christmas carol and the grinch with her family. she fell asleep in my arms halfway through the first movie, but i am in no way complaining. we parted ways before midnight.

the next morning my family and i opened our gifts. i didn't ask for much this year but was pleased to see i got the few simple things i asked for. my parents enjoyed the gifts i bought them. next we headed to my aunt's house for our annual family christmas breakfast. after an hour i headed to andrew's house to exchange gifts. he was stoked on the Pho 79 shirt i got him.

then it was back to sarah's to eat lunch with her family. but before devouring mashed potatoes and ham, sarah and i snuck up to her room to exchange gifts. she got me an awesome pair of red van's i had eyed a few months before. and she seemed ecstatic over the gifts i gave her and the look on her face made my day. "all smiles"

a break

2008-12-14T08:50:00.000-08:00

it's been so good being home. i've been spending so much time with sarah and it has been nothing short of greatness.

"eat my shortshs"

relief

2008-12-07T12:30:00.000-08:00

this weekend was much needed. i had been on the verge of putting my head the through wall from being overstressed from school work and a slew of other reasons. however, friday that all changed.

i picked up the final mastered version of my bands demo, and i was very excited hearing how it turned out. wow. all i can say. not only that, but we finally picked a band name (which is a big deal considering we've been arguing over it since august). we settled on VICEGRIP. if you think thats too gooney, keep in mind we were going by suge knight. anyways it seems a lot of people are enjoying it and that makes all the headache worth it. check it out:
www.myspace.com/vicegripva

i also spent some much needed time with sarah. we had a semi lazy day friday, and an awesome adventure day on saturday. we started off with some mall action at mccarthur. sarah got a new shirt and i just had fun watching her face light up. afterwards we headed over to pho 79 and i must say, her progress with chopsticks is mind boggling. after we filled our bellies we headed back to norfolk and went to Thrift Store USA. words cannot describe how badass this thrift store is. i found a sweet flannel shirt, sarah got some purple flats and bought me a phil collin's record. after the 'spree' we met up with my good friend colin and his girlfriend monique for some smores and movie time. after that back to my house for some brews, and after that it got pretty crazy. we headed to sarah's sister's apartment for a house warming party where we all sat and shared ridiculous stories while i stuffed my face non-stop for hours. can't put into words how much yesterday ruled.

two more days of school and i'm home for a month. thank god.